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Apr. 24th, 2006 | 05:57 pm
location: home
mood: depressed depressed

ok... so yesterday i was bragging about my boyfriend and all... but shit happens... sooo today was a pretty bad day... i mean there were moments i wish i could turn back time and make them not happen... but that's the way life is... ummm i haven't broken up with miguel but im getting soo tired of crying everyday because of how many times we fight... i use to be a girl who simply got hurt so much that i just didn't give a shit what guys did to me because it hurt but in the end i got my revenge... then came miguel... life is funny huh...? everything he does and says affects me 100% and i don't even think he realizes it... i feel like i cannot cry anymore because of how much i've cried today... we get in arguments over stupid ass shit and i realize it but its his fault... yes i know everybody says "no its his fault" then he will say "no its her fault" and it will go back and forth, back and forth... but simply he does things to me that he doesn't like to be done to him... for example today i pretty much got pissed off because he was hanging with his bitch ass friend who i hate with a passion... they are suppose to not even be friends anymore... but the point is this boy is the one who influenced him to do what he did... and it wasn't the fact that he was hanging out with him it was the fact that he lied to me... he told me he was going to go home and finish his homework... did he? NO I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!!! i'm seriously so tired... i feel like i put 110% into this relationship and for what to get disrespected to feel low about myself... i don't think i should be getting treated like this... out of everybody i have never done anything wrong to anybody to deserve how i get treated by him... and it's not just what he did that makes me feel like that... i care for miguel soooo much... i would give anything in the world to be with him and do anything for him... just lately he has been acting like a jackass... everybody keeps telling me "lee dump him you don't need him, look at the mess you are with him"... but when it comes to the bottom line the fact that i love him overcomes everything he puts me through... that's sad to say at my age that i love someone but that's how i feel... i don't know what to say anymore it seems like everything i say everything i do just how i act is wrong... and he keeps saying "babi i love you" but i tell him that his actions talk louder than his words... which is the truth... i also told him i'm tired that when we fight i'm the one cleaning up his messes so i give up and if he wants to fix things then he will be the one to fix things not me because i'm tired... we fight and i always forgive him... he does something once "ok babi i forgive you don't do it again"... does it twice "ok babi i forgive you"... does it three times or more i'm fucking tired... i don't need this... he needs to notice what he is doing wrong... yeah i understand when i first saw him today after school i was pretty ticked off... sooo to not say something and cause an argument i went up to him i told him can i have my bag and i walked off... because that was pretty fucked up that he lied to me... then he told me i was fucked up for acting like that... whatever... i know that that was wrong but im not in the time of the month to be acting all "lets prance around the flower field and hold hands sing ring-around-the-rosey" im not like that right now and i didn't want to say something and make things worse... which i guess i did... but its not like he cares that everything he keeps saying to me keeps hurting me more and making me cry... but i told him and he didn't listen... so i won't repeat myself more than once... and that's my rule... that's my game... that's how i am...

P.S. sorry about my language i'm still very upset...

Comments {2}

Kathleen (or Kathy)

From: shownemotion
Date: Apr. 25th, 2006 09:44 am (UTC)

Hey girly... I'm sorry to hear about you and Miguel... But you're right, you don't deserve to be treated like that. If he really loves you he wouldn't keep doing stuff like that to you. That's messed up. But don't break up with him just cause everybody tells you to. Do what your heart says. I mean, I wouldn't mind you breaking up with him, cause you know how I feel about him... It just pisses me off that he treats you like shit. You deserve someone so much better. Things'll get better though.

♥ ~ Your big sis.

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From: sweetnenaangel
Date: Apr. 30th, 2006 04:51 am (UTC)

Sorry that I'm replying back now, but yeah. I know you're right. I can tell you that a million and one times. But sometimes it's hard to let go of people you really care about. Especially if they do evil things to you. I seem to have a problem in that department. I get attached to easily and then end up crying my eyes out all night long. I wish things weren't like that. But that's life, it's helped me mature into the person I am today. I don't take shit from nobody and you know that. It's just sometimes i stay quiet to not hurt people and well I just end up writing about it lately. Even if it's a note that nobody will ever see. It's my only way to let out how I really feel, you know. But I'm glad I have you as a friend. Life would suck if I didn't have you or Alana. I don't know where I would be. Thanx nena... I don't know how many times I can tell you that.

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